


A Name for a Feeling

by noctlis



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 04:35:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13873245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noctlis/pseuds/noctlis
Summary: Yusuke starts to wonder about the names Akira calls him.





	A Name for a Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> I somehow managed to finish this!!!! I was struggling with the end so much but at last I was able to... It was inspired by some post I saw on tumblr about calling someone "my love" and I kind of immediately knew I wanted to write something for Shukita with that prompt. Anyway this is my first Persona 5 fic so I'm sorry if it's a little weird or ooc, I'm doing my best and I'm still new in the fandom so ;; Anyway I hope you all enjoy this and look forward to me writing more for this pairing soon (they are taking over my life after all,,) You can also come yell with me about Shukita on [twitter](https://twitter.com/phantomsjoker) if you want.  
> Lastly, please no criticisms or critiques, but kudos and comments are appreciated~

_\- "I'm always thinking of you, darling."_

 

Yusuke hadn't caught on in the beginning, at least not consciously.

 

It was easy to miss, because he was usually distracted, busy, unaware that it was something out of the ordinary; or it was tacked on in such a way that it almost blended in with the rest of the words being spoken, just empty sounds with which Yusuke had no frame of reference to understand. Sometimes it would repeat in Yusuke's head like a broken record, a repetition of a vague feeling more than anything, but he could never put any meaning to it, couldn't put a finger on just what he was trying to comprehend, and he didn't care to spend too long considering it. The new brushes he had been gifted along with the sentiment, or the offer to have dinner together, or the questions about his well being always seemed far more important, after all. And a name is just a name, of course.

 

Whether it's 'Yusuke,' 'Fox,' or something else. Something different.

 

 

  
  
_\- "How did you like the coffee, sweetheart?"_

 

The first time he had truly noticed it, the first time he started to wonder at the bizarre circumstances, was on the first day where he unmistakably, almost palpably witnessed the contrast.

 

He remembers it crystal clear, the warmth in Akira's voice a ghost of summer along his skin. The two of them, sitting in Leblanc, Akira behind the counter wearing a stylish apron as he prepared a hot mug of coffee, and Yusuke sitting on a stool at the counter, watching him raptly, each graceful motion undeniably artistic in the kind of way that always makes Yusuke want to paint. The sensation of the hot coffee down his throat was nothing compared to Akira's smile, radiant like the sun, when Yusuke relayed to him that it was, in fact, nothing short of perfect. As Yusuke downed the drink, the masterfully balanced flavor delightful on his tongue, Akira had answered the phone and a call from Ryuji filled up the quiet atmosphere of the cafe while Akira started the dishes. The call itself was not special or in anyway outstanding. A few jokes, complaints about school and studying, promises to go training soon. It was par for the course when it came to Ryuji. But then Yusuke heard it, unnaturally loud, as if for some reason, Yusuke was meant to pick up on it, to make some kind of connection.

 

"Yusuke and I are hanging out right now."

 

_Yusuke_. 

 

It's his own name, and yet there was something entirely foreign about it in that moment, as if Yusuke hadn't heard the name from Akira's lips in ages. It settled in the pit of his gut with the last of his coffee, swirling and twisting, begging for Yusuke to think harder, pay more attention. He couldn't erase the thought even as Akira finished his call, took Yusuke's mug, and cleaned up the rest of his dishes. In fact, it felt only more pronounced when Akira returned to his side, his bright eyes shining as he asked in earnest, "What do you want to do now, _my darling_?"

 

Yusuke could barely even process the question, let alone form any proper kind of answer. His thoughts were jumbled and scattered like dabs of color across a blurry canvas, only just beginning to create a semblance of an image in the back of his mind, though not one Yusuke could fully grasp.

 

 

 

_\- "You're amazing, baby."_

 

Pet names, he supposes they're called.

 

The kind of names couples use to refer to each other when they have been dating for an appropriate amount of time, and somehow their own names cease to be enough to express their affections. The kind of names Yusuke never hears anyone else around him using, as if they're some strange taboo among a group of friends in a world they've set out to change. Why would any of them resort to pet names? It's not as though any of them are dating or in any sort of serious relationship. The closest they come to that level is the somewhat obnoxious way Morgana refers to Ann as "Lady Ann," most of the time, but even that can be considered an exception as Morgana is a cat and the term itself sounds almost old-fashioned, more a term of respect than anything else, Yusuke reasons.

 

But then, Yusuke has to wonder. Why exactly does Akira use them- and more importantly, why does he only use them when he and Yusuke are alone together? Certainly there must be some kind of explanation, some concrete reasoning on which to base his curious actions. Something just out of Yusuke's grasp, that he's not yet privy to in the grander scheme of things.

 

He thought this over as he painted in the open space of Akira's room at Leblanc, his gaze switching between the splashes of color on his canvas and Akira's profile where he's seated on his bed, as beautiful a model as always. His dark, wavy hair framed his smooth features, laying just above ever expressive eyes that kept glancing at Yusuke, the hint of a smile beginning to pull at the ends of perfect lips. A captivating expression. Yusuke's heart felt oddly light in his chest, as if floating amidst a fluttering of figurative butterfly wings while he stared at that smile, contemplated the significance of "darling," "baby," and "sweetheart."

 

"How's it coming?" Akira asked, the tone of his voice not impatient, but rather inquisitive.

 

"Just about finished," Yusuke responded. Just a few more touches and the image that he had burned into his mind earlier that day, of Akira outlined in front of flashing storefronts, neon signs and busy crowds all dulling behind the vibrancy of his sweet smile, will be, at least mostly, accurately portrayed on paper. Breathtaking, Yusuke had thought, hands instinctively moving up to frame the moment with the camera of his mind, warmth pooling in his fingertips, at the tips of his ears, a feeling he started to grow used to whenever he's with Akira. More than anything or anyone else, Yusuke always finds that the best inspiration comes from Akira without fail.

 

Akira stood up when Yusuke finally set his brush down, stretching his arms over his head as he made his way over to Yusuke and his easel. "I want to thank you again for modeling for me," Yusuke said sheepishly, fidgeting with the locks of hair that swept over his forehead, a nervous habit, while Akira moved around to get a good look at the artwork. "I could have done it from memory, however, doing it this way ensures the full accuracy with which you deserve to be depicted on canvas."

 

Akira was quiet for a few minutes, gazing at Yusuke's painting with the utmost attention to detail- until a wide grin abruptly broke out across his face, so blinding that Yusuke almost couldn't look directly at it, as if suddenly, the sun had dropped out of the sky and situated itself on Akira's face.

 

And then there it was.

 

_Baby_ , Akira called him.

 

The word was so soft and affectionate, dripping off Akira's tongue with practiced ease, that Yusuke felt like melting into his chair. The compliment prior somehow seemed on the border of secondary, an afterthought to Yusuke's fixated mind, though Yusuke still found himself flustered all the same.

 

"Honestly, you're such an incredible artist," Akira continued, eyes brimming with the sincerity of his words, the reflection of all the hues on the canvas dancing in his dark pupils. "You capture the colors of the world like you're the only one who sees them as they truly are."

 

Yusuke wanted to say something in response, to tell Akira that he's the reason Yusuke can paint like this at all. Because Akira saved him, continues to save him. But all he managed to get out was a quiet, bashful, "Thank you," the sound of his heartbeat in his ears pounding a steady repetition of "baby" in the back of his mind, a reminder of unanswered questions, of the sparks in Yusuke's chest, sharp and powerful.

 

A chain reaction of a sensation that Yusuke still doesn't quite understand.

 

 

 

_\- "Are you alright, my love?"_

 

It's funny how it happens, Yusuke thinks. How everything culminates into this moment on this day. It's just a simple trip to Mementos, nothing he and the other phantom thieves can't handle. And it's not as if it's a special day, as if anything out of the ordinary should or would happen. But Yusuke is more distracted than usual, mind in the clouds, constantly finding that his thoughts are elsewhere. Not on the shadows in front of him, not on exploring the depths of the mysterious area, not on the important tasks at hand; rather, his eyes are drawn to Akira more often than he can keep them off the stunning leader.

 

Maybe it wouldn't be such a problem, except that when he's distracted, Yusuke becomes quite the lackluster fighter. Movements slowed by a significant percentage, his reaction time dulled by his inability to focus on the situation at hand... It would almost be embarrassing if Yusuke could bring himself to care.

 

And it's even funnier to Yusuke because it's not that big a deal, in the end.

 

His eyes linger a little too long on the curve of Akira's back, the flow of his coat as he maneuvers the field and skillfully takes out one of the shadows, the hint of a smirk at the corner of his perfect mouth while his dark hair rustles with his movements. Yusuke finds himself thinking about how his paint could capture this scene, swift motions of black and red like a river stark against the white background, a fascinating image that he burns into his eyelids as he blinks and wills himself to remember this for later. He also finds himself thinking that words like "darling," words of overpowering affection and endearment, are more suited for someone as breathtaking, as dazzling as Akira.

 

That's really all it takes for one of the other shadows to get the jump on him, of course.  A well aimed strike that Yusuke doesn't see coming until it's too late and he's instantly leveled with the ground, breath momentarily knocked from his lungs as quickly as he had fallen.

 

His ears ring slightly as he collects himself from what was truly just a minor hit, something barely worth worrying over, but he doesn't miss Ann's orders for Morgana to heal him, or Ryuji's loud yells as he curses at the shadow with reckless abandon, the both of them upset for Yusuke's sake. But most of all, he doesn't- can't- miss the concerned words from Akira that register in the forefront of his mind like one of the blinding neon signs he had just drawn the other day, flashing relentlessly so that Yusuke can't possibly ignore them. It catches him off guard, even more so than the attack that had sent him to the ground in the first place; it was the first time Akira had called him anything like that in front of the others, after all.

 

Perhaps the other two are startled as well because he sees Ann's eyes widen, and Ryuji seems to gape at him while Akira whips up Arsene and obliterates the shadow in a matter of seconds.

 

Then, all at once, his teammates are crowding around him before he even has the chance to stand up. His meets Akira's gaze as the leader approaches him and holds his hand out which, momentarily, Yusuke just blinks at. His heart is pounding strangely in his chest, an erratic sensation that bubbles up steadily and reminds him of the first time he saw the Sayuri. It's both pleasant and oddly painful, an insatiable feelings that Yusuke is maybe starting to put a name to. He wonders if Akira is experiencing the same thing as the leader smiles sheepishly at him, gestures pointedly with his hand, and at last Yusuke remembers himself enough to place his hand in Akira's. He's pulled abruptly to his feet in a way that sends all formal thoughts away from his head, and all he can really focus on anymore is just how much he wants to keep holding Akira's hand, even as his own is released.

 

Ryuji is the first to break the quiet. His tone is incredulous, teasing, his eyebrows raised as he glances between Yusuke and Akira and repeats the words Akira had spoken to Yusuke in the heat of the moment. "Really? ' _My love_ '..?"

 

Hearing them again, even said by someone else, releases a new wave of fluttering across Yusuke's chest, the butterflies in his stomach moving up, flapping their wings against his ribcage in their attempt to make his heart break free from the confines of his chest.

 

"Hey, now that was-" Akira starts to counter, but Ann interrupts him, a knowing grin on her face.

 

"So you're going to deny it?" She pipes up matter-of-factly, jabbing a finger in his direction. "No matter what you try to say, you can't back out of this one. You definitely don't call any of us names like that."

 

"Come on, guys." Akira is smiling, laughing, all teeth as he shoves his hands into his pockets, and Yusuke notices the tips of his ears are flushing red. Cute, he can't help thinking. "You don't have to rub it in."

 

"Joker, honestly," Morgana says with a chuckle, shaking his head. "You couldn't get more obvious if you tried."

 

Akira keeps laughing and Yusuke notes that his eyes are sparkling, mirth glittering in their depths. He meets Yusuke's gaze again and he beams, smile spreading wide across his face, the sight of which almost dazes Yusuke as much as being bowled over by the shadow. Then Akira motions for the group to follow him. "Let's get out of here for now, yeah?"

 

Once out of Mementos, Ann and Ryuji head their separate ways, though not without teasing Akira some more, especially when they see that Yusuke intends on accompanying him back to Leblanc. There's something about the knowing smile on Ann's lips, and the look that Ryuji sends over his shoulder as he departs, that makes Yusuke's stomach twist with something- nerves? Anticipation? He's not entirely sure, but he reasons that it hardly matters, not when Akira abruptly takes his hand again, fingers slipping between Yusuke's with ease like interlocking puzzle pieces and spreading immeasurable warmth from Yusuke's fingertips right up his arm to his heart. They walk side by side back to the cafe in virtual silence, the only sound the pounding of Yusuke's heart that echoes in his ears with each step.

 

When they arrive at Leblanc, Sojiro is out and the cafe appears to be closed for the day, the lights dimmed and the 'closed' sign out front flipped outward. Morgana yawns and plops down in one of the booths, waving his tail at Akira and Yusuke as they pause in front of the stairs. "Let me know when you two are finished," he says, eyes narrowed, though he seems to be smiling despite his apparent annoyance.

 

Yusuke begins to ask, "Finished with what?" but before he can get the words out, Akira is laughing once more, the light and tinkling sound floating in the air around them, and then he's tugging Yusuke upstairs and all Yusuke can do is acquiesce.

 

In Akira's room, Akira seats Yusuke beside him at the edge of his bed, though he says nothing for several moments, his gaze instead locked on their hands which have yet to part. The silence hangs in the air, heavy with something, but Yusuke is pleased to find that it's not tension or discomfort. Instead, there's an underlying warmth, one which becomes more pronounced when Akira squeezes Yusuke's hand in his own, gentle and kind.

 

Yusuke decides to break the quiet himself. "'My love'...?" He repeats questioningly, the words honey sweet on the tip of his tongue, and there's no way he could miss the pink that dances along Akira's cheeks. A lovely color that makes Yusuke wish he had his sketchbook with him so he could capture it in this moment.

 

Akira sheepishly rubs at the back of his neck with his free hand, and then he's grinning, his thumb rubbing circles into the back of Yusuke's hand, the sensation flitting through Yusuke's chest like the sparks of a match being lit in his heart. "Quite a slip up, huh?"

 

"Perhaps. But… Why do you call me these names in the first place? 'Darling,' 'sweetheart,' 'my love'..." Saying them out loud somehow makes him feel shy, and he feels the pink from Akira's face shift to his own. "I should like to hear your explanation." Yusuke thinks maybe deep down he already knows the answer but he asks all the same, subconsciously holding his breath while Akira seems to consider his words carefully, before he apparently gives up and ruffles his hand through his hair with a short laugh.

 

"It was… a mistake at first," he says earnestly. "I started out imagining what it would be like, to show my feelings in that way. I thought about calling you 'my love' or 'my darling' but I didn't really plan to act on it. But then one day, I wasn't thinking and I really said it out loud. Do you remember?"

 

Yusuke tries his hardest to think back, flashes of color tiptoeing around the corners of his mind as he traverses his memories until something steadily shifts to the surface. He remembers Akira's soft hands, dirt under his fingernails, the warm skin of his wrists brushing Yusuke's in his haste, and the bright white of carnations that filled up Yusuke's vision.

 

"When you came back from working at the flower shop," Yusuke says, just above a whisper.

 

Akira nods. "I was so excited to give you those flowers that I called you 'baby' and I didn't even notice. Not at first." He laughs again, this time light and airy, almost embarrassed. The sound is like music to Yusuke's ears, drawing him in as he waits for more, the kind of sound he wishes could be caught and transferred to paper. "I caught it later, when I was alone in my room and I couldn't believe myself…"

 

"I'm surprised I myself did not catch it," Yusuke murmurs, more to himself than anything.

 

"Honestly, I was torn," Akira confesses, turning their hands over in his lap and intently examining Yusuke's fingers as if to distract himself. His skin feels heated against the coolness of Yusuke's, warmth that spreads its way all throughout his body. "A part of me was terrified that you would notice and hate it. But the other part…" There's now a small pause and Akira sighs, a fresh coat of blush decorating his cheeks like water color paints. "I think I was in some way grateful. I finally had an excuse. After all, wouldn't it be more suspicious if it was a stand alone occurrence?"

 

"Ah. So that's why…"

 

"Yeah." Another laugh. "Maybe it was selfish of me, but once I started, I just couldn't stop. I guess my feelings won out in the end."

 

Yusuke doesn't know exactly what sets it off, whether it was a natural conclusion for him to finally reach or if there was something specific in what Akira said that struck a chord in him, but everything seems to click into place in his mind as he listens to Akira and he suddenly feels as if he understands just what he had been missing up until now. All the times his heart had felt so light in his chest that it might float away, the warmth he always associates with Akira, the way Akira's smile always draws him in, and more than anything else ever has, inspires him to paint. And in particular, why he had been so fixated on this ever since he noticed it.

 

In fact, he truly has to wonder why it took him this long to realize it in the first place.

 

"I've been wondering what you thought every time I called you those names…" Akira says softly. His face doesn't betray much, his lips partially turned up in half a smile, but Yusuke recognizes his body language, the way his eyes dart around and he rubs at the back of his neck, taps his feet against the wood floor. He's nervous… Self conscious, even. "Does it bother you?"

 

Yusuke doesn't hesitate at all. After all, he now knows what his heart desires with undoubted certainty. "Not in the slightest," he says, chuckling at how Akira's mask crumbles and relief floods his features. "In fact," he continues, reveling in the way Akira's eyes widen at his next words. "Perhaps I should refer to you in that way, as well. What shall I call you? 'My angel'? 'My inspiration'? 'My guiding light'?"

 

The twinkle in Akira's eyes as a wide grin breaks out across his face is magical, and when he speaks again, his voice is full of so much affection that Yusuke almost feels as if he could explode. "You're too much…"

 

The distance between them begins to shrink as Akira pulls Yusuke closer, closer, slowly, the way wet paint inches down a canvas, until their noses brush together and it feels like Yusuke's heart has jumped up into his throat. He can't hold himself back anymore, and he leans forward, placing a quick, soft peck to Akira's lips, the sensation seeming to light off fireworks in his chest and spark heat from his head to his toes, pooling in his cheeks, the tips of his ears and nose, curling in his stomach. Akira giggles, such a laugh wholy catching Yusuke by surprise, and then he takes the chance to return the peck tenfold, leaving chaste kiss after kiss to Yusuke's mouth. Yusuke clings to Akira, hardly able to breath, his lips tingling and warm while each peck leaves him longing for more.

 

After the kisses end, Akira continues to hold Yusuke close, their foreheads pressed together, an indescribable feeling of comfort and warmth between them. Yusuke feels perfectly content, at peace here like this in Akira's arms; the kind of feeling he can't compare to anything else in the world. Even the sound of small footsteps up the stairs approaching Akira's room doesn't break them apart.

 

"Are you guys finished yet or did you forget about me-?" Morgana starts to ask as he enters the room, but the cat lets out a disgruntled noise mid sentence and effectively cuts himself off as he spots them. "Wow, alright. You guys are gross."

 

Akira is quickly grinning again, soft laughter bubbling up in his chest, contagious in a way that has Yusuke laughing as well. "Don't be ridiculous, Morgana," Akira says, eyes shining and full of fondness as he meets Yusuke's gaze, as if Morgana's antics are nowhere near as important as just staring into Yusuke's eyes. Yusuke practically melts against him. "You should have expected this."

 

"Just because I was expecting it doesn't mean I was prepared!" Morgana whines, jumping up onto table and glaring in their direction. Despite his harsh words, however, Yusuke notes that Morgana can't keep a straight face, his ears twitching while he attempts to keep himself from smiling. "Stop being sappy romantics and let's do something fun. It was getting boring waiting down there by myself."

 

"What do you think, my love?" The name immediately spreads a sense of pleasure throughout Yusuke's body, calm waves that wash at his shores and settle in every nook and cranny, every space between his bones. "He may be overbearing, but should we entertain the cat?" Akira leans in and presses one last kiss to Yusuke's lips before he stands and head over to Morgana. Yusuke watches him, the beat of his heart convincing him that he is now completely certain he knows what he'll paint next. Two figures, arms wrapped around each, surrounded by warm colors, warm like home, taking up the entire canvas because the whole world is just them. A kiss shared between them, gentle, sweet, and yet full of so much emotion, abstract but impossible to misunderstand.

 

Perhaps he knows the title, as well.


End file.
